The nature of "boys & girls"
So today weíre
going to talk about one of the very fundamentals of the nature of boys and
girls or male-female humans. Basically this information hasnít been put
out before, and it may never be put out again, so you better listen!
order to kind of introduced the effects of not knowing about it, weíre
going to let Miss Katie Lee sing you a song on what her complaint is
because this isnít known. So weíll first start with Miss Katie Leeís Song.
Lyrics: "When I am PROPERLY Loved" by Katie
"I may have grown a trifle hard, a bit unkind and calloused, but I
donít need some psychiatry. I understand whatís wrong with me. I have
never been properly loved, properly loved, properly loved. But when I am
properly loved, itís found to rearrange me. Iím only waiting until I feel
those sentiments I know will damn well change me. I have never been
properly loved, properly loved, properly loved, because Iíve not been
properly loved, Iím lacking an essential. Though the love of a Daddy and a
Mommy, three husbands and a brother, it was some pretty good stuff. Oh,
itís not that I havenít been loved, I havenít loved enough. No, I have
never been properly loved, properly loved, properly loved, one day Iíll be
properly loved, though itís mighty hard to suit me. Iíll be a woman warm
and kind, a living dolly, love will just transmute me. is the love of a
varsity backfield, two admirals and a sailor, it was found pretty good
fun. Oh, itís not that I havenít been loved, I havenít been loved by one
who makes me feel most properly loved, properly loved, properly loved. But
when I am properly loved, Iíll be transformed and suddenly something fine
will shine from me, when I am properly loved."
This is Human Nature
So now that we have heard the appropriate complaint about the subject
which we will talk about today, I will begin to try to put some stuff on
the board, so we will draw a line down, that usually is a good easy way,
so weíll put humans up here at the very top. So weíre not talking about
anything but humans and over here weíll put girls and over here,
boysóthatís all right, we wonít go into men, women, males, females and so
Boys' nature is to be competitive.
So the fundamental nature of boys is to be competitive. Thatís not to
say that some ladies arenít competitive, but theyíre competing for a
different reason. Mostly the boys are competing to get ahead of another
guy somewhere around or whatever be the case. The girls are romantic. I
donít know how to spell that, but anyway weíll get it up there. So if you
go down to the store and look around, you will see what I mean.
Girls' nature is to be romantic.
Who buys all the gothic novels and the Harlequin novels, you know?
(Audience: The girls.) The girls all buy themómen donít ever buy those
things and they donít read them.
Who looks at the sports in the news section? Who reads all the sports
if you bring the newspaper in the house? Who grabs the sports section?
(The boys.) The boys all grab it, right?
Each complains about the other.
So here they go with it. How each of them complains about the other
one. The girls complain because the men are so unromantic and theyíve
always got their head stuck in the boob tube looking at the ball game or
theyíre reading the sport section or what have you. The men are complaining because the women watch soap operas, read a
bunch of trashy novelsóall this stupid stuff and they want to go to the
movies that has a little of that in it and etc. Each finds fault with the
other and neither understands the otherís position. So not understanding,
they are in conflict most of the time.
90% of "problems" are about relationships.
Now for some forty years, Iíve been more or less making my living by
listening to peopleís problems. I didnít say doing anything about it, but
I sure have been listening, and ninety percent of all problems I hear is
of that nature.
No longer ago than this morning, I had a little nine year old girl in
here who was in apparently severe agony and pain. But as I inquire a wee
bit about it, sheís very romantic about her father which is very natural
for a little nine year old girl, I understand, having listened and read
many books and so forth. And her father, of course, is all interested in
competing, first to earn a living for his family and second to all games
and all kinds of sports activities. So when he goes out the door, the
little girl screams. Well, now sheís got a way to keep papa home. She has
a horrible pain and ailment and if he goes out the door, she cries. So he
stays home and heís given up his job to stay with her, but thatís not
quite enough--itís still not enough because heís still just staying at the
house and heís not patting her or giving her pretty little words and she
still doesnít feel romantic enough, so here is a severe illness, totally
miserable looking situation to look at, all because neither understands
this little situation.
Almost no one understands.
Well, we couldnít expect the little girl to understand this, and we
probably would have no hope that her father would understand it, and we
could follow though with thousands and thousands of incidents of people.
A little joke.
I used to tell men who complained about paying me fees for looking
after their sick wives that if they took proper care of their wife and
understood her nature, they wouldnít need to pay me. And heíd say, "Well,
whatís that?" and I would give him a little inkling and heíd say, "Oh
hell, Iíd rather pay the bill."
A female can aid and abet her desires by
approving of gentle competitiveness
So thatís the nature of the thing. The guy didnít understand halfway
how much fun heíd have, but you know itís all right, I was glad to take
the money. Still am, itís all right with me. So if the female understands
that the male has to go through this competitive bitónow it doesnít have
to be raw competitive, it can be turned into slightly--if you understand
it--somewhat of a creative situation where he creates things, what a man
can use. He can create things, he can build things, he doesnít have to be
out there flat competing dog-eat-dog with somebody, but if he doesnít
understand it, he probably will do that.
Turn competitiveness into creativity.
So few people have learned that maybe thereís a better way of doing
things. Maybe why they donít understand their competitive nature, but they
have found that they can kind of switch it over into being creative of one
sort of another and itís always going to be a little competitive, but it
can be a gentle kind of competitiveness, long as we know that itís there.
We donít have to have a war every time we turn around.
So if the lady understands that her man has a certain amount of this
competitive nature and as I told a lady the other day, if she aided and
abetted it, you get along better, but she didnít know what those two words
meant and she didnít know to ask me what they meant, so I donít guess
sheís done much if it yet, so I will use more simple terms from now on.
How to aid and abet....
Pat him on the back for all his competitive stuff and tell him how nice
it is that he goes out and wins ball games and that he caught the biggest
fish in the ocean and he drinks more booze in one sitting than anybody
else and so forth.
You know they do do that, you know they do have beer-drinking contests
where the guy drinks more booze than the other guys. Anything to compete,
no matter what it is. So if she kind of gives her approval of his
competitiveness, it kind of gives her a little more balanced understanding
of whatís going on and possibly will let her be in a position to obtain
somewhat what she likes.
Abetting romance is to his advantage.
If the man understands something about the ladyís romantic nature a
little bit, he would aid and abet that very decidedly and heíd probably
have a lot of fun doing that. But nevertheless he would approve of it
instead of finding fault with it, say itís sissy, and all that kind of
stuff to be whatever the nature of romance is.
Romance is not "bigger & better," which is
just competition. It's lots of little things.
Romance is not always just hearts and flowers, thatís usually a
competitive trip that the guyís on to compete with somebody else. He sent
a bigger box of candy, a bigger bunch of flowers, he sent two dozen roses,
the other guy only sent one, so heís out there competing. So usually
whatís called romance to a man is merely another form of competition.
Did you ever get lots of flowers, Joy? (No) Jerks! (He was always
competing.) Least they could have done that, is that right? Now maybe some
lady here could tell me what she means when she says something is
Little things mean a lot.
What would be romantic to you, Joy? Having the tables dusted? (No) What
would be romantic? Youíve been around a few years. What does it mean?
Whether you got it or not, what would you think of? (A lot of things.)
Probably all of them little. (Kisses and) appreciation now and then and so
forth and so on.
You may have to clue him in.
You remember our friend P. and you remember the fits she used to have
because J. didnít do things, he didnít come home and take her out to
dinner. She dreamed up all day that her husband was going to come home
from work and ask her out to dinner and then sheíd bitch all week because
he hadnít and I said, "Well, did you ever tell him you wanted to go to
dinner?" "Oh, no, he should know it." You remember that and she finally
worn him down and buried him and she got another one and in two months she
started the same thing again. She came in telling me and I said, "Listen,
P., I donít want to hear a thing about it. I listened to what a bastard J.
was for fourteen years because did didnít take you to romantic places
every night when he came home from work and you didnít even tell him you
wanted to go out. Now youíre starting on this other guy and I donít want
to hear anything about it," so sheís mad at me and wonít talk to me any
more. But the fact is maybe she could let him know a little bit.
Examples from women.
Whatís romantic to you? (Take a walk through the park.) Little things.
(Candlelight.) Whatís to you, Bonnie, youíre in the business. (Well, Iím
in business and I find it romantic to do things together.) Okay, such as
fight? (no.) No, people fight together Iíve noticed, a lot of them do
that. Whatís romantic to you, Becky (A lot of little things.) Theyíre all
little, though. But theyíre a lot of little things, but theyíre all laid
up to being one big romance, is that right? Okay. How about you? Youíre in
the business a little bit. (Consideration.) Consideration, being
considerate. All those little things that add up that says somebody thinks
a lot of you, is that right? And this is the one that the man usually
feels, "That is sissy. She ought to know I like her, I pay the rent." (I
told you once today) (laughter) About once a day, that donít quite add up
to enough, does it Regina? Okay.
Complementary nature is for the benefit of
So now that we have some general inkling of what is meant by getting
romantic, and that her nature is to be romantic, now, no doubt, but both
of these being here, life in its wisdom provided them both so that life
could go on on this planet. Otherwise it probably would have expired years
ago even though they donít understand it and fight over it a lot, but can
you kind of begin to see that if itís understood and used, it could turn
into a very joyous situation around here instead of all this bickering and
battering and so forth and maybe Iíll have to hunt up another way to earn
a living, but thatís all right with me, Iíd be very happy to. If everybody
would go along and purr a little bit, I would fee fine. Iíll find another
way to make a living, Iím a pretty good blacksmith as I recall from way
back down the road, so Iíd just as soon do that. I could take the hammer
anvil and forge and I could come out and make a living some way. Besides
that I can do several other things. I can even cook.
Most have never thought of it this way.
So you know, some things we come out with is a way to go. But if each could
understand this, I would have very little to do in the usual occupation
Iím doing today. Now most of us have never thought that the other side of
this little equation "boy-girl" is that they are totally different in
Complementary, not conflicting, when
Now itís a complimentary nature if you put it together with
understanding. It is very complimentary. And so if I give attention to the
needs of the lady with the romance, then I have become somewhat dual. I
have understanding of both the competitive bit and I also understand her
Quaint language: "He's a half-breed," that is,
I tell people I get along well with ladies because Iím a half-breed, my
mother was a woman, I inherited part of her nature. So I understand them
both pretty well and those of you who have read hermetic philosophy--any
of you been exposed to that stuff? Okay.
Hermetic philosophy talks about the ultimate being as being a
hermaphrodite, or a complete integrated person with a full understanding
of this and a full understanding of that, the romance and the competitive
bit and maybe you could change the competitive bit a little bit into
instead of fight-dog-eat-dog, itís into the creative area and so forth.
Both masculine & feminine can be there if
People will copy understanding behavior; can
start a transformation.
So itís where one would be dual. Now as I said in my crude language,
I'm a half-breed. My mother was a woman, my father was a man. That means I
got a little bit of both of it in there if I will allow it. Hmm? I got
room for both of it anyway, but letting it go there, you find that life
begins to blossom and Miss Katie Lee wouldnít have her little song to
A woman needs romance to thrive.
So letís see if each of us can understand the other side a little bit.
A womanís got to have romance or she doesnít thrive and the romance is as
all the girls have said, a lot of little things, none of the great big
ones. No "once a year send her two dozen roses on her birthday and a five
pound box of candy," you donít need that do you Joy? (no) But you receive
something like that sometimes. (Oh yes.) Every now and then and thatís all
right, but a lot of little things, especially appreciation, little
understanding of the nature and so forth could go a long way, is that
right Becky? Okay.
So if we could all do that, we would start a trend. Now thereís a few
of us, but every trend is highly contagious. If you start doing it,
somebody else is going to copy it in a little bit. They may not understand
it, but they copy it. You could see a transformation of human life on this
planet very quickly if we only simply understand this and begin to apply
Now just "understanding" something is worthless unless we apply it, but
it is a lot of fun to apply it. So why not have a good time while youíre
So, now then weíll stop and have questions. Iíve talked long enough,
but letís have comments, questions. Regina? (What happens with boys when
theyíre younger, they like to kiss and everything and then when they get
older...) Well, they got to be macho then, itís contagious you know. Big
guys are macho, you know, the woman wants somethingóhell to kiss a woman,
you know. A macho guy doesnít think itís nice to kiss womenópush `em over.
Go from there. Thatís right. Now little boys are still little girls more
or less, not much separation, theyíre still both when theyíre little, both
of them are. But they quickly get conditioned to go whole hog one way and
it is their nature as they develop more and more and their hormones begin
to flow, their nature will come out, okay? (So they donít have the desire
for hugging and kissing.) Oh no, they said push you over, why bother with
all these preliminaries. (Yeah, that's right.) Day in and day out, huh?
(To men itís a bother.) The preliminaries are? Think what fun they are. (I
donít see itís a bother) Well, I know, the guys think itís a bother, you
know, have to go through all thatócheck up every once in a while to see if
youíre moist enough yet and a few things (laughter) You know, if they have
to check up, theyíre a dumb ass in my book, but thatís all right. Okay,
(Well that changed a little bit, because now we women are going to have
to be competitive) Yeah, but theyíre competitive in a different way. And
if they are out in the world working, it goes against the grain, hadnít
you noticed? (yeah) Okay. You can do things against your nature, but it
irritates you, does it not? Okay.
(What about competing for the spotlight in a group?)
Well, just go get
it, go get it, but youíre competing for the spotlight because it would
bring you romanceóyou hope--and the guyís competing for it because he
thinks heíll get a prize of some sort or other, believe it or not, check
it out and see, watch it as I put it up today to see this is the
fundamental nature of a female, this is the fundamental nature of the
male. You watch it a while. Youíll see that it works.
(Thatís supposed to be there?)
Of thatís nature, you canít change it,
but you can sure use it. Now itís going to be there, itís not
conditioning. The way to handle it may be conditioned, but the nature of
it is there and youíre not going to change that. So I couldnít get over
being competitive, but I can sure tone it town where you donít notice it
at all, okay? So Iíll try to make it a little creative and so forth, but
thereís a little undertone of the competitive back there, okay?
(But when youíre looking for someone, or you find someone thatís
appealing, itís just the way that theyíre competitive.) It might appeal to
you, more than likely they appeal to your romantic things, and later when
you've kind of gotten involved, you discover that theyíre very competitive and
they you start fighting honey, have you noticed that through the years?
(Yes) Okay. I think I could even play back a few numbers for you if I
needed to, honey, having been in the background an awful lot to straighten
out the hassles. Well, I think I could play back a few. It may appear to
you because you feel thatís a source of romance that youíre looking for
and after you keep him around for a while and they get off their good
behavior because theyíre trying to compete with everyone else for your
attention, then they come back to pure competition and then (that appears
to be the thing youíre attracted to and then that turns out to be the
thing that drives you up the wall.) Yeah, I know how that works, Bonnie. I
know how it works, Iíve picked up the pieces several times for you,
havenít I? (Give them a little rejection and theyíll keep competing?) But
they donít get romantic, but they will compete, but you donít want all
that stuff. But they do keep doing it.
All right, how about you? (Man: What about when you really enjoy, say from
my side, you enjoy getting romantic and getting)
Well, it usually works real
good for the time being, and all those little things the girls were
talking about (and that you donít feel like,, not that youíre expecting
any more in return, but youíre not being fed like you want to feed the
other person. How long can you go before you feel youíve had enough of
it.) I donít know. Itís according to how youíre working on it. (All that
whatever you know.) So are you really doing it as a competitive nature. I
remember a veryóI wonít go into anything. I remember many long hours of
telephone conversations with your brother Jeff over that very thing, is
"Gentle bullets" is competing, not romance.
You were competing and you were using gentle bullets for your
competing, but you were ready to kill like hell, didnít you? You were
using gentle bullets, but you wanted them to have an effect, is that
correct, sir? Okay.
Bonnie, you got it all formulated now? (Oh, I got it out.) Got it out,
okay. Any more questions? (Bob, what makes some men soft in nature and
some hard?) Well, some of them have been conditioned by their Mama and
some more by their father and so forth, but most of them the more weaker,
more vulnerable they feel, the tougher they act. Somewhere I read that
only the strong can afford to be gentle. One of the numbers you went
around with was a very great weakling and acted very tough. So only the
strong can afford to be gentle, so if a man treats you gentle, heís fairly
strong, but if heís pushing you around pretty hard, you know heís a very
big weakling. So weaklings act tough, strong ones always can afford to be
very gentle. Okay? (Yeah, I like that.) Okay, hang in there then. Okay
[End of talk.]